Saying Goodbye...for now

Today was the hardest day of our lives. We are so grateful we got an extra visit with our son, but saying goodbye at the end of it was brutal. We talked to the kids at home on skype this morning & then headed to breakfast. At this point we were so thrilled about the surprise extra visit that we weren't focusing on saying goodbye at the end. We got to the orphanage at 10 Am & went through our normal routine. They brought him to us a few minutes later & he came right to me. No crying, no shaking....he just buried his head in my chest & wrapped his little hands around my shoulders :) Of course we had Mr. Bear ready for him, too. We took a few minutes to let him get adjusted & then sat down to play. He was definitely feeling better & was much more active today. There were no interruptions today with official people coming in & out...just the 3 of us & our facilitator Y. She sat at the table doing our paperwork for court & took pictures for us when we asked, but she left us alone & even left the room for awhile. We tried to get some more good pictures of him (we need 10-12 happy pictures for court paperwork) & he even warmed up to daddy a few times. Andrew was very happy about that :) Halfway through our visit we realized time was ticking. We put the camera away & just tried to hold him as much as possible. He wanted me for most of the time & I rocked him to sleep again. That's 3 out of 4 times :) After he had been asleep for about 10 minutes, Y said it was time to go. She left to go get the caregiver & we just held onto him as tight as we could. I couldn't control the tears & they were dropping on him. Andrew prayed over him for protection while we are away from him & for God to get us back quickly to bring him home. The caregiver came in to take him & we both kissed him goodbye. When she took him it felt like someone punched me in the stomach & ripped my heart out. I cried the entire way back to the hotel & we only had about 45 minutes to pull our emotions together before going to sign some papers at the notary office. Y hugged me & in her Russian accent said, "Charity, you are natural woman & mama for being so upset. It be okay." In a country where NOBODY shows emotions, I felt some comfort in her words. I want to bring my baby home tomorrow & it's fine that I'm upset about it. There would be something wrong if I wasn't. She & our driver S (her husband) went to get some lunch so we could have some time alone before going to the notary. We went up to our room & just held each other. There's nothing like being in a foreign country for adopting your child to bring your marriage closer & stronger. In spite of all of the stress & emotions, this has been so good for Andrew & I. We've had nobody but each other, the few people helping us, & God to depend on. We managed to pull ourselves together & went to the notary to sign some documents. He is now officially being taken off of the available children registry in Kras & Moscow & attached to us :) After that we got a late lunch & picked up some cinnamon rolls from Cinnabon for breakfast tomorrow. We are being picked up at 5 AM before the hotel breakfast opens. Andrew gave our driver a CHP patch as a small thank you & he was THRILLED. He has some souvenirs from Fresno State & Tennessee hanging in his van from other families, but Andrew told him he will be bringing him a USC souvenir to replace those next time. S thought that was funny. He, our facilitator Y, & translator have taken very good care of us. They are all very knowledgable in their jobs & have made those parts of the trip easy. We are emotionally & mentally exhausted!! We are ready to get to our 3 kids at home tomorrow, but wish we could bring our new baby home with us. It's bittersweet...soon all 6 of us will be home together, but not soon enough! Trusting God in His perfect timing is not as easy as it sounds sometimes, but we know He will get us back here right when we are supposed to. Thank you again for all of the support & prayers!! It's been a huge blessing to see your encouraging comments while we are here! One trip almost down, one to go....Please pray our luggage makes it home with us! Andrew & Charity